rambling on changes

People change when they grow up: that's a pretty obvious (duh) statement.

But in riding these currents of change with time, how are we to assess whether this change is good or bad, desirable or not?

Looking back on my last couple of years, I am very thankful for the intellectual growth and experiences that I have had, but I am still left grappling with the cultural relativism ideology I have been conditioned to embrace, from being an cross-cultural studies student and an anthropologist.

In addressing change (in personal life, ideologies, or habits), perhaps the question we should really ask is (not whether these changes are good or bad) whether or not the changes that we have been through are applicable to the present (the current and surrounding environment or institutions, as defined by Ostrom). I say this because often, those who have lived in many different places, who claim to be victims of dislocation, face the problem of applying the adopted practices and habits to root them down to where they presently are. The conflict arises when the past and present-- two seemingly different worlds, categorzsed separately in the victim's mind-- collide. And how the victim analyzes this collision also depends on his/her frame of mind which is also affected by his/her surroundings or atmosphere.

So really, people change all the time, and to say that someone has changed for the better is an imposition of one's own standards (of goodness) onto another person's. But in making this statement, I am also aware that my thinking has shifted sides to the existentialist, relativist mindset, which some would misinterpret to be 'emo.'

So do I switch back to being 'pragmatic' and stop thinking these immaterial questions and fit right in with my atmosphere? Or is there really a venue for these thoughts to be applied to a more meaningful endeavor? Either way, there is no right or wrong answer but just how the answer is analyzed. It will be a happy ending, with lenses of analysis.

11.07.11

How could a photographer get by without a proper DSLR?

For four years, I have done just that! The first time I learnt how to use a DSLR was by getting a crash course from my work supervisor (yes, I was hired as a photographer without any skills and knowledge on DSLRs) with a Nikon D100.

I started taking photos for school events as a student photographer. In my second year of college, I took a Digital Photography class with John Schott and learnt how to use Adobe Photoshop. I also took a film photography course with Linda Rossi.

I have been using a Nikon P80 for the past three years, and have been very fortunate to have traveled and shot photographs in about 10 different countries, guided by my international development academic framework. (Some of my work is recorded in the blog, Half a year in Africa. But today, on the eleventh of July, two-thousand and eleven (11.07.11), I got my very own DSLR!

Here it is (:


Now, I have graduated from college and I am going to give myself a breather from direct involvement with international development issues. But I am keen to find out how the two main interests that I pursed at Carleton -- photography and international development-- play an important but peripheral role in my post-Carleton life! (:

From Carleton Utopita to the Real World

Tomorrow is Carleton's class of 2011's first month as alums. It would also have marked the end of my much-awaited first week in Shanghai, living the 'real' life. Instead, I am writing this from the comfort of my (parents') home in Singapore.

The delay in commencing on my new job is frustrating for two main reasons. Firstly, the situation is a relapse of what happened to me when I was eleven, leaving for an excursion to Malaysia with my primary 6 classmates and many other attempts at my overseas trips. Because of my passport, I have to go through the hassle of sorting out the paperwork and liaising with different embassies (and not to mention the cost) in order to apply for visas. So, when my passport becomes an obstruction for me to start my much anticipated job out of college, I was bitter. But it also make me realize how the real world, unlike Carleton can be unfair and brutal-- one just has to live with it.

The second reason why staying home, jobless becomes detrimental to my mental well-being is because I lack such purpose and structure in life. For the last 4 years at Carleton, I became so accustomed to 'doing' things, being intellectually stimulated that having to count the hours down to the next day is extremely painful. So, I started looking for temporary jobs, both to pass time (in the process of looking) and in hopes to pass more time when I get one.

Last Friday (July 8th) and today, I spent four hours distributing flyers to advertise luxury apartments for a property developer company. Now, in doing that job, I came to learn the few of many differences between Carleton and the 'real world' mentality. At Carleton, I would say that many people are non-judgmental (and less materialistic) about the prestige attached to a certain kind of job. We have students working as custodians who clean carpets and toilets, mailing staff that deliver letters rain or shine and admission fellows who have to wear professional clothes and be representatives of Carleton to prospective students. But no matter what the job entails or no matter what we are required to wear for our job, no one discriminates the other based on the 'prestige' attached to the job. (Besides, we get paid the same salary too.) But when I told a friend that I was distributing flyers to pass time, I got a dismissive 'Oh?' as a response.

When I was distributing flyers, I got to get to know a few of the sales agents from this developer company (my supervisors) and a few polytechnic students (who worked with me). While agents' conversation centered around the type of cars their colleagues drive and the salary they earn, all the poly technique students thought about was how they could do the minimum amount of work and still get paid.

I didn't think I would miss Carleton and the genuine, intellectually curious, and non-materialistic nature of the people as much as I do now (one month out of college). But I do. And I am starting to realize all the things I took for granted in the Utopia, the privileges and benefits we received as private liberal arts undergrads.

The transition into the real world would be hard and it would take some adjustments--ones that would be made easier if we conform. But to throw away what we have been showered with for our personal and intellectual growth in the last four years is to be short-sighted. It is tempting to settle into the safe professional career path that entices us with high-starting pays, benefits and the 'prestige' that is attached to a job title but I worry that I might loose sight of the other things that matter--being around kind, intelligent people, having the motivation and drive to continue learning and most importantly, being consumed by greed; Greed for prestige and money which could so easily engulf us from pursuing our passions and satisfying our curiosities.

In a conversation with my younger brother last week, he said "don't let money dictate/control your lifestyle. If you are good at what you do, money will follow." I think that could be very true.

Defogged Fatigue Vision

For the past year, a thought fogs my mind: why do I not enjoy photography as much as I had before (Jan 2010, when I just returned to Carleton from Kenya)?

In my attempts to answer this question, I came up with many hypotheses-
-when I was at home, I thought I was just a complacent observer, cushioned by the comforts of home
-when I was in Australia, I thought I was searching for things that are not there-- epiphanies on life and development that so easily found everywhere I looked in Africa.
-when I was back at Carleton, I thought I was bored from taking the same kinds of shots, in the same kinds of settings, from the same angles, with the same camera settings.

Well, I am throwing another speculation into the mix-- may be it is not photography that I am good at, but seeing things when I am in different places; here, I don't refer to places in spatial terms, but rather, places that challenge the mental space, places where presuppositions are questioned, places people's perspectives (originating from a different coordinate) intersect with my own.

That's where I am attentive, observant, creative, inspired.


This thought seem to settle my puzzle on my fatigued vision behind the camera lenses for the last year. But for how long?